Let’s debunk five common myths and misconceptions you may have regarding your wedding planning/big day.
A lot of women seem to have this preconceived idea that you’ll cry when he proposes, when you find the perfect gown or while you recite your vows.
This is not always the case. Every bride reacts to these heart-warming milestones differently.
One of the brides I helped told me that her boyfriend’s proposal totally caught her off guard. They were walking down a street in the city and he said: “I have a question I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
She casually said: “Yeah what?” and when he proposed, she responded with: “Uh, yes.”
He misheard and thought she said: “…I guess.” Safe to say it kind of ruined the moment but all was resolved and so the night continued with nothing but wide grins and glances of love.
However, rather than crying, things were a little different when she found her perfect gown. She jumped with excitement and shouted: “This is the one!”
Another example, you know those cute Instagram photos you see where the groom is bawling at the sight of his wife-to-be at the end of the aisle, or he’s covering his face in shock or disbelief?
That does not always happen.
During a wedding I attended, while the bride walked down the aisle in all her glory, the groom held the most placid facial expression (in an attempt to hide his emotions no doubt) and when they both stood before each other they just started giggling.
No one can place a precedent for how you are to react to certain events. There is no right or wrong.
2) Love being in the air
Some ladies assume they will instantly become closer to everyone in their life while bonding over their wedding planning.
Brides are conditioned to believe that the wedding is a time when we’re closest to loved ones. While there is some truth to this, working closely with your family or friends generally comes with its fair share of hiccups.
Some couples get disappointed when their friends or family can’t put their personal issues aside for the big day, whether it be divorced parents who refuse to be in the same vicinity or a bridesmaid who is jealous because she didn’t get engaged first.
I, myself as a maid of honour thought planning my sister’s wedding with her would be rewarding in some way; at least for those few months I thought our usual sibling rivalry would be overlooked while we were in what I call the “wedding bubble” (a period of time where there is nothing but wedding talk and wedding planning).
While we spent hours together focused on nothing but seating arrangements and venue decorations, bonding over how good the food will be and how beautiful the bridal party will look, it did not stop us from being snappy when things didn’t go right.
It didn’t stop little arguments over who sits where, and it did not let us forget our own personal transgressions behind the scenes. We still fought our battles and I learnt that the “wedding bubble” doesn’t distance you in any way from your usual personal happenings.
Don’t think that just because it’s a loving occasion means that everyone will be in a loving mood.
3) Shopping around
People say you shouldn’t pick the first vendor, gown, or other items that you find.
It’s a lie. Yes, by all means, do your research and keep your options open, but if you are really in love with a certain thing don’t let the thought of “Should we wait for something better?” get in your way…
…chances are, you’ll go through 12 different things and end up right where you started.
As a child, I was always taught by my mother to ask myself “Will I regret not buying it if I go home without it?”
If you are in love with a gown you found and know you can go home with it feeling happy with your decision, it would be in your best interest to buy it. However, keep in mind any return policies just in case you do manage to find something better.
4) The expected ‘one-year’ engagement
Your family members might feel obliged to tell you that you should have a one-year engagement.
Who decided that 365 days was a perfect amount of time to wait before a fiancé can turn into a wife?
Some people wait three years just so they can afford it, some don’t wait a month before they exchange vows and suddenly regret it because ‘they’re not ready.’ Some wait four months and everything is perfect.
Does that mean you should try to rush your pre-planned 2-year wait?
No. Everyone is different.
Decide when the big day should be, based on your personal life circumstances and comfort level in regards to planning. Start with the planning elements that are most important to you (whether it be the venue, dress, photographer, etc.) so they don’t book up or become unavailable.
5) Cliches and Traditions
You may have the idea that you need to have a white gown, something old-new-borrowed-blue, a bouquet toss, Dad to walk you down the aisle, a bucks/hens night or a wedding cake; otherwise, it’s not really a wedding wedding.
You do NOT need to wear a white dress. You could opt for a champagne, beige or ivory colour. You could go all out and dress in a bright colour that would turn everybody’s heads.
You do not need something old, something new, something borrowed or something blue. You can always make up your own tradition. You don’t have to toss your bouquet to all the bachelorettes. You could invent a new tradition, for example – make all the unmarried guests pick a partner and dance.
If you don’t want your dad to walk beside you on your special day, or if for other reasons your dad is unavailable, you can have whoever you like to walk with you down that daunting aisle; a sister, your mum, your eldest brother, your uncle, or even your good old grandpa!
Everyone loves seeing a bride arm in arm with someone special, someone who has always been there for you or someone who has raised you up to be the person you are today.
All the hype around having a bucks night or a bachelorette party is unnecessary. You don’t have to do the traditional strippers, clubs and drinking through phallic-shaped straws. There’s nothing wrong with a simple get together with your favourite girls or even have a little gathering with both you and your partner’s friends and family!
Cake. It’s all about the cake. Or so a seven-year-old would say about their birthday party.
It’s your day. If you do not want the hassle of organising a cake, don’t.
You can have any type of dessert or no dessert at all! …but who am I kidding, everyone likes dessert! Hehe!
…but for all those savoury drawn people out there: Why have cake when you can have cheese?